Destressing Christmas, Part 2 - Think through your family/friendship needs and commitments

THINK THROUGH YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDSHIP NEEDS AND COMMITMENTS

Be realistic about what your children (if applicable) will enjoy, understand, and be capable of doing in light of their ages. For example, if you always went to see The Nutcracker at Christmas time, but your children are 3 and 5, wait until they (and you!) will enjoy it more. And don't over-schedule.

Consider family problems when planning gatherings. Be proactive in order to minimize Uncle John's drinking problem by having a brunch rather than a dinner. If cousin Sally's conversation is predominantly negative or a never-ending flow, plan some conversation starters or games to reduce her dominance.

If it's just too difficult for you to travel during the holidays, don't let others guilt-trip you into travelling anyway. Be honest and stick to your guns for the benefit of you and/or your family. Invite your relatives to visit you (if that is better for you) or suggest another time of year for a visit when life is less hectic.

If getting together with your relatives is too painful or unhealthy, give yourself permission not to attend. If you, your spouse, or your children are subjected to verbal, emotional or physcial abuse, don't put yourself in this unsafe place. Even if it hurts others' feelings, you cannot allow yourself to condone unhealthy or painful treatment by attending.

Choose whom you want to spend time with over the holidays - friends or family who refresh, encourage, and cheer you. Take the initiative to make that happen.